Category Archives: Jokes

Ski quotes and jokes

Here are some great quotes that describe the humour skiing has to offer.

Warning: if you are easily offended you may wish to avoid reading.

Jerking eCard

The sport of skiing consists of wearing three thousand dollars’ worth of clothes and equipment and driving two hundred miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and get drunk. ~P.J. O’Rourke, Modern Manners, 1984

near death ecard

Skiing is a dance, and the mountain always leads.

When it comes to skiing, there’s a difference between what you think it’s going to be like, what it’s really like, and what you tell your friends it was like. ~Author Unknown

Skiing is the only sport where you spend an arm and a leg to break an arm and a leg. ~Author Unknown

Skiing uphill

Kids today, all they talk about is big air. I say, stay on the mountain, that’s where the action is. If you want big air, pull my finger. ~Smooth Johnson

I think my favorite sport in the Olympics is the one in which you make your way through the snow, you stop, you shoot a gun, and then you continue on. In most of the world, it is known as the biathlon, except in New York City, where it is known as winter. ~Michael Ventre, L.A. Daily News 

Stretch pants – the garment that made skiing a spectator sport. ~Author Unknown

Ski_fashion_3 

There are really only three things to learn in skiing: how to put on your skis, how to slide downhill, and how to walk along the hospital corridor. ~Lord Mancroft, A Chinaman in the Bath, 1974

funny-women-jokes-cooking

Gotta use your brain, it’s the most important part of your equipment. ~Kevin Andrews and Warren Miller, Extreme Skiing

Stop wasting time trying to find the perfect person. Instead, invest your time skiing, and the right person will find you in the singles line–Sandra MacDonald

big are in New Zealand- We do these things not to escape life, but so life does not escape us

Just some friendly snowboarder jokes…

Chicken vs. Pussy

This guy walks into a bar at Mt. Baker and says “Hey, you guys wanna hear a snowboarder joke?”
The bartender says, “Well, I’m a snowboarder, the guy on your left is a snowboarder, same with the guy on your right, and a couple of folks behind you as well!”.
So he says “Ok, I’ll tell it a little more slowly then”

Q: How does a snowboarder introduce themselves?
A: “Ohhhh – sorry dude!”

Q: What do you call a snowboarder with no girlfriend?
A: Homeless

Q: What is the difference between a snowboard student and their instructor?
A: Three days

Q: A car has five snowboarders in the backseat, what do you call the driver?
A: Officer

Q: How do you get a snowboarder to get off your porch?
A: Pay for the pizza.